It’s around a week until my period starts which means I have entered the war zone.

I’ll write about this in more detail at a later time because I don’t have the concentration levels right now. I just need to try and figure it out for myself!

The week or 2 before my period comes is honestly the worst time of my cycle. When my period finally arrives, I feel a lot better. The time before is when my mood changes so drastically I have contemplated suicide. Its when my body aches so much I’ve had time off work to just sit in a warm bath and cry because doing anything else hurts. It’s when I have headaches more painful than any migraine I’ve ever had. The list goes on. (This is down to what I believe is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, which I’ll try and explain another time).

I am a very self-deprecating person normally, I joke about my insecurities because if I laugh about them and someone else points them out it won’t hurt as much right?! During this time though, I truly hate everything about myself, I’m usually able to list a few things that I think I have going for me but not right now.

Feeling useless/hopeless is horrible because no one can say anything to you to make it better. They tell you not be silly or say nice things about you but you can’t believe them. The little voice in your head is saying “That’s not true They are lying to you. You’re not worth any ones time or thoughts.” It’s soul destroying.

The whole thing is honestly exhausting.

It’s hard to explain to people because periods are something most women have to deal with and I’m not trying to out-do anyone’s suffering. I just want a month where I feel like myself for more than 1 week.

Anyway, I’ll stop moaning now. I know i don’t have it as bad as some people. I’m working on improving my health which should hopefully help with all of this.

Oh, I have been to the doctors about this. I documented my symptoms over 3 cycles and went, shaking with a list in my hand that had them all written on. He glanced at it, told me it was PMS and prescribed me antidepressants to take “when I felt I needed them”. That was a tearful ride home.

I will go again but first I want to do everything in my power to improve my health so I know if the problem persists, it’s down to more than needing to loose weight.

I told you Tuesday was the worst!

A xo